Skip to content

A paper cup, a hammer, and some sugar walk onto a balcony…

December 1, 2009

…where the paper cup eats the sugar and the hammer beats the paper cup to smithereens. Along comes a completely innocent woman who tosses the hammer aside and picks through through the remains of the paper cup for its last meal. The end.

So, rock sugar. Not to be confused with its easily broken cousin rock candy. I’ll tell you about the first time I used rock sugar. I was making a pot of pho. I put everything into the pot and finally got to the rock sugar part. “Put in 1 inch of rock sugar”.

Haha, I thought, I get to put candy in my pho! Wrong! What in my mind had been translated out as rock candy due to the synonymous nature of candy and sugar was, in fact, closer to it’s rock moniker. So, I smugly pulled out a 3 inch piece of rock sugar, gripped it by opposing sides, and… nothing. I smugly thwacked it a few times against the counter… the sink… nothing. I huffingly slammed a metal spoon against it… nothing. I wrapped it in saran wrap and beat it with my rolling pin and got… shreds of saran wrap. Desperately, I scanned my drawers for something hard. No meat mallet. No electric knife. No “100 Ways to Have Your Rock Sugar and Get 1 Inch Chunks With It Too”. A quick glance around me, told me I was alone with my failure, and god help me, I considered throwing that whole damn thing in the pot.
Then while I was thinking about how much I needed a meat mallet, I went to the dry erase board on the fridge to write “meat mallet”, and noticed the corkboard was cluttered, so while cleaning that I began wondering how strong the thumbtacks must be to be holding this huge corkboard to the wall, then I remembered it was held up by nails. Hahaha, you’ve been nailed… oh, wait! Hammered! Hahaha, you were hammered. Oh, WAIT! HAMMER!

Yes, it is glorious the way this idea trap works.

The first time I slammed down on a hunk of rock sugar, I ended up spending quite a bit of time cleaning up dust sugar. So take it from me… the paper cup/paper bag is necessary. This method won’t get a perfect 1 inch result, but if you have a better way, let me know!

“1 Way to Have Your Rock Sugar and Get a Bunch of Little Pebble Sugars With It, Too, While Legitimately Beating Something With a Hammer”

You will need… a large paper cup/paper bag, a hammer, rock sugar.
Place sugar into cup.
Beat the shit out of the cup.
Reap the rewards.


Put it back into the original box or do like I do and put the “good rock sugar” into a separate container and leave it for the world to see it’s beauty. No, seriously, I do this.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: